Cast of Characters - REVISITED

On January, 31, 2008, I started this blog.  Here is the original post, for those that care to revisit it.

It has been EIGHT YEARS of chronicling the antics of my Heathens and the Asst. Zookeeper.  Life here at the Zoo has done anything by slow down.  If anything, it is moving at "full-steam ahead" and showing signs for speeding up!

For those that haven't followed for the entire 8 years, I thought I would reintroduce my Cast of Characters.  The faces of small Heathens have aged, rounded cheeks giving way to cheekbones and chins.  They've grown in height to the point that I've begun to feel like a midget in my own home.

So, the UPDATED Cast of Characters:

There are three heathens currently residing in the zoo that we call a home.  Although, only until September.

Heathen #1: Tristan (age 9)

This is this year's school picture - he'd probably be mortified to know I was using it. While it is an excellent photo of him, this is not a "true" picture of who my oldest son is.

The morning of school pictures, he came down the steps in a ratty, stained t-shirt and his hair looked like he combed it with an egg-beater. I chose the shirt and I combed the hair - adding a threat about NOT using the comb that the photographers provide. Heathen #1 is currently 9 years old, but will be turning 10 in less than two months. His favorite response when I ask him to do something is, "Aw, Mom!"

Heathen #1: Tristan (age 18)
His senior picture - and our first high school graduate of the Zoo.  This Heathen secured himself a job for the past FOUR summers and I'm beginning to think he may turn out to be a decent citizen of the community.  This Eagle Scout has chosen to join the Navy (special warfare contract) and is leaving the Zoo in September.  The Asst. Zookeeper and I completely support his choice and are proud of the young man he is becoming.  What a difference 8 years makes!

Heathen #2: Gavin (age 5)
Again, a current school picture - his first ever! Heathen #2 is VERY different from Heathen #1. When the boys got out of bed the morning of school pictures, Gavin put this outfit together by himself! He knew exactly what he wanted to wear and asked me specifically where his white shirt was because he needed it to go under this sweater vest. Needless to say, this heathen is much more fashion conscious than the previous one. Heathen #2 is currently 5 years old, but will be turning 6 in just two months. His favorite response to anything I say is "But, Mom!" This angelic looking child also has a stubborn streak that would give anyone pause - he gets it from his father, but we'll get to him in a minute.

Heathen #2: Gavin (age 14)
Kindergarten to completed 8th grade - what a jump!  This Heathen is taking on high school next year.  I don't know that the high school is ready, but at least they will only have one Heathen at a time except for one year.  This Heathen is learning to find himself in the lovely years of being a teen.  And he is learning that being HIM is just fine.  For a younger teen, while there is a lot of eye rolling, there is very little muttering.  Although, if he feels he has a valid point, he will argue it to death (usually his mental death or mine).  This one is still work on attaining Eagle Scout, but I fully expect him to earn it.  While he still has the stubborn streak that he has demonstrated since birth, he has learned to channel it in useful ways.  What a difference 8 years can make!




Heathen #3: Landon (age 2.5 years)
This heathen is the youngest of the crew - God help him! At 2 and a half, he can hold his own with the older boys. Although still little, he does an amazing job of keeping up with Heathens #1 and #2. Needless to say, he is incredibly verbal for his age. This one's claim to fame is his appetite. At two and a half, he's only about 28 lbs. And he's only 2ft. 9in. tall - a midget compared to my older two. But he eats more than both of them put together! As his father so eloquently put it, "His verbal skills are deteriorating. All he says anymore is, 'Mama, I hungry.'"

Heathen #3: Landon (age 10)
The bright blond hair has given way to a darker blond and the adorable toddler has grown into a witty almost-teen.  Now entrenched in middle school, this Heathen is making his presence known.  He's started the trials of middle school and trying to make sense of why some people are no longer friends and how friendships change as your age.  But he is surviving and flourishing.  He has begun the trek to Eagle Scout, following in some rather large footprints left by not only his brothers, but his uncles as well.  I can't wait to see where this one goes in life.  What a difference 8 years can make!

We've almost finished the cast of characters for the home zoo. There is still one main character to go, plus a few minor characters.

This last main character is probably the biggest Heathen in my zoo. And most of the time, he's the ringleader. I've mentioned him a few times already, but he definitely deserves his own introduction.

Daniel - the head heathen & Assistant Zookeeper

We started dating when we were in high school - and twenty plus years later, we still haven't killed each other. Considering how obnoxious I can be at times, how irritating he can be at times, and considering the strong personalities involved on both sides, this is truly amazing! The motorcycle pictured has been gone for several years, followed by an array of other toys.  There is always adventure to be had at our Zoo.

That's the end of the main characters. As for the minor characters, there are a quite a few. WE currently have three dogs: Duchess, Bantley, and Zeus.  We have three cats: Nina, Tucker, and Sorcia.  We also claim approximately a dozen chickens (6 friendlies, 6 not friendlies) and three goats: Anastasia, Sable, and Abeena.

Well, that's the cast of characters at our zoo. Our zoo is always open, and there is no entrance charge except a sense of humor and a willingness to roll with the punches.

Oh! And I forgot, there's me - I'm head zookeeper.

Living With His Mistress

I lead a difficult life - I'm constantly tripping over my husband's mistress.  I started their relationship referring to her as his "girlfriend."  At this point, I've upgraded her to a mistress.  When I speak to her directly, I've called her, "Hey, B****" for years now.  We have a loving relationship - as long my the Asst. Zookeeper is not home.

She has developed a new trick - just in the past two weeks.  The Asst. Zookeeper's new job requires more travel that in the past.  This leaves his mistress home with me.  I care for her as I do the Heathens - she is fed, has proper medical care, etc., all during his absence.  She loves me when he is not at home.  As soon as he walks in the door, I cease to exist.

Her new trick is that she only turns back the bed on HIS side.

Whether the Asst. Zookeeper is home or not, I flip the covers back over the bed in the morning - I wouldn't call it "making the bed" as much as a "you can NOT take a nap" deterrent.  Since he started to travel more for work, she does this EVERY DAY, even on days that he is home.

When I walked into the bedroom a few minutes ago, I found the above scene.  Once she glanced over her shoulder to discover that I was NOT HIM, she immediately went back to looking out the window and ignoring my existence.

NINE YEARS I have lived with this female.  At her current age of 12, I'm sure we are on the downward side of our relationship.  She can no longer go for runs with me (although she wants to and I have to sneak out the door with the other dogs).  But she still manages this type of nonsense - making sure that I know which of us she prefers above all others.  Well done, Duchess.  

Conversation and Time vs. A Card

I'll admit to not being a fan of Mother's Day - especially since I had Heathens.  At the Zoo, we celebrate big occasions in a big way.  Small occasions we tend to let slip by.

While we celebrate the Heathens birthdays, we let our own birthdays and anniversary come and go with little fanfare.

I don't need candy, flowers, a card, or some other present to make me feel loved as a mother.  Never have.  My Heathens and Asst. Zookeeper love me everyday.

I feel loved as a mother when at the ages of 10 and 14, the Heathens come a give me a kiss on the cheek before heading out the door for the bus in the mornings.

I feel loved as a mother when I seem overwhelmed and either Heathen #1 or the Asst. Zookeeper looks at me and says, "What do you need me to do to help?"

I feel loved as a mother when the older Heathens return from a weekend camping trip and want to tell me everything that happened BEFORE they raid the refrigerator.

I feel loved as a mother when the littlest Heathen asks for a "Mommy and Me Day - like when I was little and the boys were in school."

I feel loved as a mother when one of them had a rough day, and simply asks for a hug - as though I still have magical powers like they believed when they were small.

I feel loved as a mother when the Heathens tell others that they know everything will work out for the best, because the Head Zookeeper said so - and she always makes it work.

I feel loved as a mother when my Heathens ask how MY day was at work - and then wait to hear my response because they genuinely want to know.

I feel loved as a mother when my Heathens tell others that they are unavailable for something because they have a "family commitment" and they aren't upset to miss a chance to go to the movies to attend a young cousin's birthday party instead.

I don't need a card or flowers - I need their love, which they share with me every day.

I did receive an over-the-shoulder "Happy Mother's Day" from one of the older two Heathens after spending an hour talking to me about their weekend.  I'll take the conversation over the words any day.

Love my Heathens.  And cards or flowers don't make the difference.  At least, not for me.

Hugs, Hula Hoops, Water Slides, and Misbehavior

It has been a month since my Gram's passing - and I still think of her everyday.  I'm sure I will for many days yet to come.

My Heathens have reached the point where they remember happy moments with her again.  Ice cream, her candy dish when she would tell them to take a handful after I had said they could have just a few.  Her bird clock now hangs in my kitchen - chirping out the hours 24 hours a day.  No one else wanted the silly thing, but it brings my Heathens such happiness.  They know how she loved her bird-watching.  And when they hear the clock chirp, they yell, "Hi, Great Gram! Love you!" towards the kitchen - which never fails to make me smile.

My Gram was such a major part of my life.  After my grandfather's death when I was twelve, Gram was always with us - she did everything except sleep at our house.  She was at basketball & volleyball games, wrestling matches, concerts - always cheering us on and pointing out to anyone and everyone which ones where HER grandchildren.  I never doubted her love for me.

By choosing to raise my own children in town, our extended family grew - Gram started attending school concerts for great grandchildren, running errands with small children in tow, lunch dates with small blond boys.  She was at every holiday meal at my mother's house.  Although "old-fashioned" in nature, my Heathens were blessed to spend so much time with her.

Gram always met you with a hug and made sure you left with another hug - she wasn't skimpy with her affection.  Most hugs were accompanied by a huge kiss on the cheek and her telling you that she loved your and how glad she was to see you.

After my grandfather died, instead of shutting herself into her house - she remade her life.  I can only imagine the courage and strength it took for her to do that.  And she continued to have fun - despite what people thought was appropriate for her age.

My Aunt Paula organized a surprise luau for Gram's 70th birthday.  One of her grandchildren talked her into the hula hoop:

When she was in her mid-eighties, she and I took a trip to the local swimming pool - taking my 3 Heathens, as well as the youngest two grandchildren (5 children under driving age).  One of the children joking asked her to go down the water slide.  She grinned and headed for the steps.

She didn't head for the small slide on the left.  She headed for the slide on the RIGHT - that requires several flights of stairs to reach the top.  And DOWN SHE WENT!  When she popped to the surface of the water, all five children were cheering as though she had just won a gold medal.  The teenage lifeguard looked as though he was going to die at the idea of fishing her out of the water.  She got out, giggled, and said she thought once a day was enough.  (My mother was quite upset that I "allowed" her to do such a thing at her age!)

When we made arrangements for her haircut, we would always decide what type of trouble we were going to cause while we were out together.  And when I would take her home, I would tell her to misbehave until I came back.  She would giggle and tell me to misbehave as well.

Then I would get my guaranteed hug and "I love you" before I headed out the door.  I always told her I had more trouble to cause and she would giggle again.  When I would arrive the next time, she would ask me what kind of trouble I had been causing.

Unfortunately, there will be no more hugs or giggles for a while.  I was sure that I wouldn't be told to go cause trouble (after all, I am an "adult").

Then this arrived in the mail on the inside of a card:

So, there will be more trouble, and giggling!  I just need to be reminded.  Look out, World, the Heathens and I have a mission of misbehavior in honor of Great Gram.  I'm sure we will do her proud.

The Passing of an Era

Wednesday, March 30th during mid-afternoon, an era of my life ended.  I knew the era was not going to last forever (despite appearances to the contrary), however, I was not expecting it that day.

My Wednesday began like most others.  Heathens up and out the door for school.  An hour or so later, I followed to make my commute to teach for the day.

Like most college instructors, I despise cell phones ringing during class - however, I understand that I have parents in my classroom that may have sick children, etc.  I simply ask that all phones be on vibrate and that students leave the room to take a call.

At the beginning of my semesters, I explain that I also have children and that my phone will be on vibrate as well.  During the course of lecture, if I hear it buzz, I can easily walk past the table to see whom is calling and decide if it is necessary to take the call.  In six years, I have never taken a call.

The past few semesters, I've warned my students that I have an elderly uncle that I am the primary contact for the nursing home and a very elderly grandmother that I am the second point of contact as I'm one of the only family adults living in town.  When those numbers blink up on the screen - I must take the call.  Despite the number of calls I have received from the two facilities, they never called during class time.

Wednesday, the Manor called me at 1:31 pm.  This means that my father, the primary contact for my grandmother, was unreachable.  Considering it was a bright blue, crisp spring day, I was not surprised.  I figured he was out in the yard.  However, it had to be answered.  I apologized to my class, feeling like a bit of a hypocrite.  But it was necessary.

It was one of the nurses from my grandmother's wing.  My Gram had been experiencing chest pain and was refusing to go to the hospital, despite the nurse's urging her to do so.  She knew my Gram would listen if family told her she needed to go - so she called.  I had her take the phone to my Gram.

Although not far from getting over a cold, my Gram's voice was weaker than I expected when she answered the phone.  I had to explain twice who I was - at 92, her mind was weaker than any of us wanted to believe.  And she responded, "Oh, do I have to?" when I said she needed to go to the hospital.  I pleaded with her to go and promised that I would meet her there.  She finally said she would and we ended our call with me promising to head for the hospital immediately.

I walked back into my classroom and did something else I have never done in six years.  I announced, "Class dismissed," to a room of stunned faces, gathered my things, and was out the door ahead of most of my students.

I work approximately a hour from the hospital where they were taking her.  On the drive into town, I made the necessary phone call to my father (turns out he had simply been in the shower), and called the Asst. Zookeeper to make sure he had the Zoo covered for the evening.  My Gram tends to get rather cranky at the hospital because she doesn't like being there.  Between that and the decline in her memory, she needs to have someone with her that can clarify things such as dates, times, durations, etc.  The Asst. Zookeeper and I both figured I would be at the hospital until at least 8 or 9 that evening until she was admitted.

I was just 10 miles from the hospital when my mother called and told me to hurry.  Gram had already reached the hospital and the hospital had called about her advanced directives.  My heart dropped as I sat in stopped traffic in the construction zone between me and my grandmother.  I counted every second as I sat at the red light just a few minutes later.  It was all I could do NOT to pass the car going 5 miles under the speed limit.  My mother had said to hurry, yet everything seemed designed to slow me down.

I pulled into the emergency room, grabbed my purse.  Leaving my car running and the door hanging open for valet, I ran into the hospital and asked for my grandmother at the front desk.  I was told they were waiting for me and that I was the first family member to arrive.

I knew from the tone of my mother's voice telling me to hurry that the era was ending, but I had been denying it.  The look on that woman's face at confirmed it.  As I was taken back through the maze of rooms, she was gathering up doctors, nurses and telling them that I was there for "Room 11."  Those faces were just further confirmation of what I knew was happening.

The curtain in room 11 was brushed aside to show my Gram - very tiny on such a large bed.  We've been joking with her recently that she was just going to simply disappear one day as she has continued to get shorter and shorter.  Her eyes were closed and she was wearing an oxygen mask.

I was there awhile by myself before my parents arrived.  I simply sat and held her hand and talked to her.  Told her how much everyone loved her.  How much I loved her.  And I told her that while we would miss her, that we would manage without her - she could rest.

After my parents arrived, we were told she had passed away without regaining consciousness.  While my parents made phone calls to family, I simply sat and continued to hold her hand.  There wasn't anything else I could do.  When my parents said it was time to leave, I did - feeling guilty, as though I was abandoning my grandmother at the hospital.  And I drove home to my Zoo, trying to figure out how I was going to tell the Heathens that Great Gram was gone.

So, the rules change?

So.  Today is THE day.  A day that he has waited for impatiently.  A day that has crawled towards us for years.  A day that I've been dreading slightly only because it brings us one step closer to the inevitable.

Today, Heathen #1 turns 18 and is legally an adult.

Yesterday, he was NOT.  Today, he IS.  It seems so bizarre.

Last week, he commented about how the "rules will change" when he becomes an adult - and because of the conversation we were having, he was referring to the house rules.  Things such as bedtimes, curfews, etc.  Those were the rules that he thought were going to change.  And he said it with a smug grin on his 17-year-old face.

I simply sat and looked at him with one eyebrow cocked, never saying a word.  After a minute or two, he lost the smug grin and switched it for a shit-eating grin.  He chuckled and shook his head.  Then he said, "No, the rules aren't going to change.  What was I thinking...."

He knows me so well.

But we DID have a conversation on the rules that DO change.

He is now legally an adult.  It is no longer a fight between kids - it will/can involve police and charges.  It's "assault."  It's permanent.  It will follow you for the rest of your life.

He is an adult and is now registered to vote.  It is not a random "pick," but an educated choose.  And his choice will affect not on his life, but the lives of everyone else as well.  So choose carefully.

He is now old enough to gamble and buy cigarettes.  I recommended he never start either habit.  And I informed him that the house rules for cigarettes will NEVER change. I ever catch him with them and he will EAT the entire pack.

And, while some people like to say things like "it went by in a flash," I am not one of them.  There are only two things in my life that I have invested more time and effort in that I have put into raising Heathen #1.  I've invested more time and effort into my relationship with the Asst. Zookeeper - because there were times that we each had to keep the other from strangling a Heathen.  And I've invested more time and effort into becoming myself.

If you think about it, 18 years really isn't that much - but they are such important years.  He's just a few months from graduation and starting "his" life.

Happy Birthday, Heathen #1.  I may threaten to toss you out and put your stuff on the front porch.  And, you may eventually do something that makes me angry enough to do it.  But, you will always have a home here at the Zoo.

Things I've Said That Make Me Pause

Every parent does it, whether they admit to it or not.  Whether said in anger, confusion, worry, excitement - we say things that make us pause and ask ourselves, "Did I just say that?"

These sayings change over the years.  When the Heathens were younger, I remember saying the following:

WHY is there a stuffed dinosaur in the refrigerator?
WHY would you color your stomach with a blue permanent marker?

As the Heathens aged, what I said changed:

WHY would you hit your brother with a broom?
WHY is there a jar of lightening bugs in the refrigerator?

In the past week, I've racked up some new ones.  Things I NEVER thought I would say:

No pooping on the sidewalk! (Yelled at the top of my lungs and directed at one of our dogs during a snowstorm.

No goats running a-muck in the basement! (Instructions to a Heathen to close the pen when one of our goats kidded too early and we brought her in the house.)

Don't look at me in that tone of voice! (Pick a Heathen - I've said it too all of them in the past week.  At ages 17, 13, and 10 - all three have that "tone" to their face when they are angry with me.)

WHY is there an empty plastic bowl in the freezer?

WHY does everyone have SHOES in my bathroom?  This is NOT YOUR BATHROOM!