Thoughts on Mothering Manuals

I spent some time on Amazon today looking for some light reading. Once the Heathens are in bed and the Asst. Zookeeper has left for the night, I love to curl up with the two psychotic cats and read a worthless novel. By "worthless," I mean one that does not hold value in the eyes of high school English teachers. Usually, my novels are a historical romance set in Scotland or England and involve either people of titles or people of qualities that are usually attributed to titled people. Don't worry, I know what I mean. These novels of mine are my mental escape from being the head zookeeper at my zoo.

The way Amazon's site works, as you browse through books and titles, it complies a recommended reading list based on your previous views and purchases. The site "learns" your preferences.

Somehow, I ended up looking at what I call "mothering manuals." The new age version of Dr. Spock. Some of them are written with all seriousness and you know those books are read and worshipped by the Manic Mamas. Some of them are written with an organic look and are used by the Flower Children's Children. There are mothering manuals for every kind of mother around.

I confess to being a Manic Mama at times. Regardless of how hard I struggle, it's hard not to be. The world of elementary school is full of them. At the Heathens' elementary school, I've gotten to know many of them. These women are the ones that have the perfectly coiffed hair, perfectly polished nails, smudge-less makeup, pressed clothing (that's perfectly in style) - and all this has been accomplished before they personally take their child to school every morning. Their children are spitting images of them.

I have actually found myself getting ready in the morning and thinking about my personal appearance in terms of "when I pick Heathen #2 up from kindergarten..... I don't want to be seen in that!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! What's wrong with me!?!?!?

Who cares? My Heathens rarely notice what I wear. That is unless they think they'll get brownie points (Momma you look pretty.... kind of thing). The Asst. Zookeeper rarely notices. Which is good - it means I'm a lot more to him than a fashion statement. But I know that other mothers notice. And I know this for a fact - because I notice what other mothers are wearing.

I also notice how they dress their kids, what shoes/purses they buy, whether their hair is obviously fixed or they've just rolled out of bed. I notice. And I know that they notice me. That's what mothering is - noticing and then comparing and finding things lacking.

This tirade started because of the mothering manuals! I admit that I've purchased them - for both myself and as gifts for friends as they've entered the world of mothers. The ones I've purchased for friends have been ones that have the ideology of "it won't be perfect, laugh at your mistakes." Those are also the ones that I find myself gravitating towards.

Once or twice I've looked at a mothering manual that was serious in nature. It had a lot of DOs and DON'Ts in it - lists of them. And I knew at every time I looked at one, that I was a sham as a mother. A good mother would have purchased the book and turned it into a religion. A good mother would have posted the lists all over the house and pinned them to her children. A good mother would have children that stayed in their beds and were quiet after lights out. And I'm definitely not that mother.

The urge to read mothering manuals comes from the deepest place inside me. Millions of women have does this long before I ever started on my own roller coaster. Somewhere, one of them had to be perfect - and she had to have written a book that gives her plan for perfection. If I just read enough of those manuals, I will find that ONE that will give me the secrets for which I'm looking!

The silliest part of the whole "mothering manual" issue for me is that I know that it will never matter how many books I read or buy. Every time I look through one and I read the blurb about the author, I always think, "Wow, and she wrote a book, too!" Just one more thing to add to my mothering to-do list - write the perfect mothering manual.

I must go now. I have to pick up the Heathens, then feed them and divide them evenly between scouts, swimming lessons and the playroom at the YMCA. I need to run and clear my head. It's almost as successful as reading a "worthless" novel. Which I plan to do tonight - no mothering manuals for me!