Today Heathen #1 is 10 years old. Wow.
I remember when he was born and the nurses in the nursery showed all of the "first-timers" how to bathe a baby. It looked so easy as she showed us, but I remember being afraid to try. He was so new.
Obviously I got over that fear. But it was replaced many times over with new fears as he grew. I was afraid to clip his fingernails the first time. His fingers were so tiny.
I was afraid to leave him in daycare the first time. What if he was miserable?
I was afraid when he learned to ride a quad at age five - even though it had an emergency kill switch and only went slowly. What if he fell off?
I was afraid to send him to kindergarten. What if he didn't make any friends? What if he didn't like it?
I was afraid to send him to overnight camp the first time. What if he was homesick?
Those are only the fears that I remember off the top of my head. I know there were a million more in the past 10 years.
I remember sleepless nights when he was small and was sick and I was worried. I remember sleepless nights when he just wasn't sleepy and I just wanted to choke him! I remember sleepless nights when I've just laid awake and worried over something concerning him.
I've cried in frustration with him. I've cried with excitement for him. I've cried in pride of him.
Ten years. On one hand it seems like a lifetime ago that he didn't exist. But on the other, he's grown so fast. I guess it was a lifetime ago. Or a different lifetime, when my world didn't revolve around someone else. But I wouldn't change it, not for all the fears, frustrations, tears. Because it has been more joy, love, and laughter than I could have imagined.
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