I was on top of the world yesterday morning - it was going to be a GREAT DAY. I intuitively KNEW this was true. I Just KNEW it was true. And it was not an "easy" morning either - and yet I HAD IT.
Crawled out of bed when the alarm went off, without having to hit the snooze button a gazillion times. Popped out of bed - even DAISY-ISH, I dare say, and the Heathens emerged from their blanket nests with less grouching than normal. So far - I can see the jet in my future! I had already earned the headband simply by getting out of bed with the first alarm.
During morning preparations, I realized that Heathen #2 was supposed to have a track meet that day at 2 pm - and that his track uniform was dirty, as I hadn't washed it since the meet earlier in the week. No problem - Wonder Woman rounded up all parts of the track uniform (and gathered up the dirty track uniform for Heathen #1 while I was at it!) - and threw a load of laundry in. Promised Heathen #2 that I would deliver everything to the school on my way into work. Disaster averted! I've now earned the corset part of my costume - the jet it so much closer!
Heathens #1, and #2 left for school, and I have already dressed and showered. BONUS! Heathen #3 squeals that he can see the bus coming down the road - NO! He goes running out the door to catch the bus, asking me to drop off his water bottle at the elementary school as it was in a different room when the starter's gun went off for the sprint to the end of the driveway. Got it - drop off the water bottle. Not only did he make the bus, but dropping off the bottle would earn me the little shorts Wonder Woman wears - I'm not even sure what the appropriate term for those would be.
I leave the house at 8:30 - with the track uniform in the dryer, and the water bottle in hand. I had a 9am appointment. Dropped off the water bottle on the way - got it to the school just as they were saying the Pledge of Allegiance! That earned me the wrist cuffs!
Just before my appointment, Heathen #2 calls me from school in need of a clean shirt (in addition to the track uniform) - he had art first period and managed to get liquid clay all over his current shirt. No problem - Wonder Woman has this. I shut of the phone for the duration of my appointment.
While at the appointment, I realize that Heathen #2 won't get any lunch before the track meet. So on my way back to the house, I went past Subway and got a sandwich, chips, and bottled drink to throw in the bag - Wonder Woman thinks of these things. I headed home to pick up the track uniform.
On the way home, I flipped on the phone to find a new voice mail from Heathen #2 - the track meet isn't today - it's NEXT Friday. So there is no need of the track uniform, but could he still have a clean shirt.
While gathering a clean shirt from the freshly folded laundry in the dining room, I noticed Heathen #3's report card envelope on the table. This envelope must be signed and returned - or elementary school personnel can become vicious. I know this first hand from holding an envelope hostage for several days last year or the year before. I've blocked the memory because it was so bad. Avoiding this situation occurring again earns me the gold lariat - definitely worth the sacrifice of a second stop at the elementary school.
I KNOW if this envelope remains in the ZOO over the weekend, it will NEVER be seen again. And I can't handle another situation like the last time went missing - I still have nightmares that I can't explain. So I put it on top of the shirt I'm taking for Heathen #2 and out the door I go! At this point, I know after making two more drop offs at the schools, I will have earned BOTH of my knee-high boots! Because I couldn't leave one Subway sandwich at home to be discovered by THREE Heathens, I cut it in three pieces and fed it to the dogs. Gave them the cookies, too! I kept the water.
Swing through the elementary school, where the office ladies look at me strangely as they've already seen me once this morning. Swing through the middle school, drop off the t-shirt and put his name on it so that there is no doubting who it belongs to. And then I get back in my car - in my full Wonder Woman outfit - and I head off to teach. It's a 40 minute commute and it wasn't great weather, but I was having a great day. Everything was falling into place.
I knew that once I finished my three classes today, I would have earned the INVISIBLE JET - which is the goal of Wonder Women everywhere. Few of us admit it, but imagine a method of travel where your Heathens junk would be INVISIBLE when you open the door - not obviously laying on the floor mats screaming, "I'm too lazy to carry the empty water bottle into the house!"
Approximately, 35 minutes into my commute, I made a HORRIFYING realization. Truly horrifying. I don't even know why the thought popped into my head, but it did. A quick glance in the rear-view mirror confirmed it, but I reached into the seat behind me to swipe frantically one-handed across the empty seat, because it couldn't possibly be true.
I was 10 minutes from having to teach - and my teaching bag was still sitting in the kitchen at home. I had three college classes to teach, and only the writing utensils in my purse. No lesson plans. No lecture notes. No example problems carefully chosen to illustrate a specific principle. No review for the test coming up. And, for my third class, NO TEST that they were to take. I had NOTHING but three hours of students and despite having "fixed" and "taken care of" everything that had popped up between the hours of 6 am and 11:40 am - I wasn't getting my invisible jet today. No Invisible Jets when you drop a ball THAT big.
I did make it through the classes - I'm one of those nerdy teacher-types that saves everything online. It was simply a matter of pulling it off the computer once I arrived at the classroom. The students only knew something was "off" because I told them about it - it helped decrease the stress before they took their math exams. So it served a small purpose.
But when you see me flying around in an Invisible Jet - you will know I have had an EPIC day as a Zookeeper. Don't worry - I already have the outfit! I just need the JET...
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