The Power of "No"

I used the hated word again, and this was the response I received:

Heathen #3 - utterly disappointed in my response to his request.

Heathens believe I use this word simply to make them miserable. That I enjoy their agony and misery. That I am always on a "power trip" and that I use this word without thought or consideration. 

All parents know this word - although I'm sure there are many who use it far less (and some that use it far more) than I utilize it. 

NO. 

I remember my own parents using the hated word and thinking them completely unreasonable. And now, that is the role I play in the Heathens' lives. 

Someday, they will (hopefully) understand that it is a word used for teaching so many important things to small heathens everywhere. It starts as a word meant to keep them safe, and then progresses to being used to squash unacceptable behavior. It is used to set limits - to create safe boundaries for growth at every age. 

I love the age span in my Heathens. Sometimes, I believe it is all that keeps me sane. At any given point, since the third Heathen's birth, I live with the "before, during, and after" of every age. The oldest obviously does everything first and the Asst. Zookeeper and I wage battle against whatever behavior/ milestone is reached - we are a tenacious pair. 

The middle Heathen then reaches the same stage, and we have the "after" version to look at. Usually, it gives us hope that the battle can be won. Sometimes, we decide on different tactics, but the battle is still waged. And we have a "before" that we look at and hope doesn't hit this particular stage. We hold out hope for an "easy" period without battle on one of our three fronts. 

But, at least for tonight, this battle is won on behalf of the Zookeeper. NO. Heathen #3 cannot stay up a little bit later. And the battle is won because the Heathen accepted his NO with gracious silence, his head down on the arm of the couch, and a quiet, "Yes, ma'am."  The battle of arguing our point and yelling at a parent to try and win has been abandoned on the Heathen's part. 

Next time he asks, I may just have to say YES. 

Better Than His Momma

I have a character flaw - actually, I have many. But one in particular stuck out today.

I read one of those goofy things on Facebook that said something to the effect of, "Wrong my child and I will never forget."

This is one of my biggest flaws. And I'm aware of it. I struggle to see things from the other person's point of view and I attempt to understand the intent behind the action. Sometimes, I am successful. Sometimes, I am not. 

Heathen #1 came home from school today announcing that he had to move an object for a group. This group eliminated a program that he and Heathen #2 were planning to participate in this year - thus "wronging" my children (not just ONE of them, but TWO of them!). 

I explained to him that there were plenty of involved people in the group and that more than one of the participating families owned a truck or SUV that was capable of moving this object. I was upset that the group could cancel something that was valuable to my Heathens, and then still ask them for help. 

After arguing my point, Heathen #1 calmly looked at me and said, "They didn't ask. I offered to help. That's what my mother taught me to do - offer help when help is needed and I'm capable of helping."

Then he just stood and stared at me with a shit-eating grin on his face. "Try not to smile, Mom. You know I'm right."

While this is a slightly older photo, this was the look on his face.
And his hands WERE on his hips.  Heaven help me.

And I will admit that it was like being punched in the stomach. He was absolutely correct. That IS what we've tried so hard to teach our Heathens. But my flaw didn't allow me to see the situation that way until the Heathen re-framed the situation in a way that I could "understand."  And I will admit, I had a hard time not smiling.  He not only proved his point, but he did it objectively and without raising his voice - and he was irrefutably correct.

Heathen #1 left shortly after our conversation to move the object in question. The program being eliminated was not directed solely at my Heathens - it just felt that way because it was something that they love.  However, Heathen #1 saw the situation for what it truly was - a program elimination, not something about he or his brother personally. 

And Heathen #1 was correct in stating that was what he was taught - to offer help where he sees a need. Too bad that his mother needed a lesson refresher today. 

Heathen #1 humbled me this afternoon. 

Well done, Heathen. Well done.