I've often been mentally struck by the importance placed on certain birthdays, and the lack of importance placed on others. I've noticed this myself as I've aged, the "lack" of BIG ONES coming up - the milestones that are supposedly so important in our development as humans. In reference to Heathen #1's 17th birthday (having just occurred in the past week), I found myself guilty to this same lack of importance.
Last year, EVERYONE was excited for his birthday - it was a BIG ONE - he would be able to drive a vehicle. Random strangers at the DMV were congratulating him on turning 16. He counted down the days until he could apply for the permit, and then the 6 month period until he could take his test.
This year, in February, when asked what he wanted for his birthday, he replied that he wanted a GoPro camera (he's been asking for one now for several years - but the Zookeeper is cheap and Heathen #1 is notoriously hard on property). And, I looked at my oldest son and said, (and I'm ashamed to quote myself, but I will), "You're only turning 17! That's not important! It isn't 16 or 18 or even 21! You'll ONLY be 17 - that's nothing special."
The post about the GoPro vs. "The Podium" is a separate post.
I've frequently thought about my comments since the day I made them - and I've decided I was WRONG. "17" may be THE MOST important birthday a Heathen experiences in his lifetime. It marks the last year of childhood where 99% of mistakes are forgiven and expected because the Heathen is still learning.
At 18, we expect small heathens to magically be children one day and adults the next, just because the "number" associated with their age changes. This mistakes are suddenly life-changing and unacceptable.
So, in this thought pattern - to my oldest Heathen at the beginning of your LAST year of childhood:
The Asst. Zookeeper and I look at you with a mixture of wonder, pride, worry, and mixed emotions - and sometimes that is all in the span of 60 seconds.
Wonder - we really thought, at many points along this path (and probably many more to come), that we had "screwed you up." That we had handled a situation so badly that you would never recover to be a normal, functioning adult. So far, so good! While you have a few years left under our guidance, for the most part, the large "shaping" is done. The Asst. Zookeeper and I are in the polishing stage - and the finished product is starting to be recognizable.
Pride - You have proven to be a productive member of society and to be the owner of a thoughtful and kind heart. There are times where the kindness and consideration you display shames me due to my lack of similar reaction. When you offer assistance, when you stop to help, when you stop to chat with those who need a kind word - my heart swells. And when I chastise you that we don't have the "time" for something, and you look me in the eye and say, "but you taught me this is how we behave," you are teaching me as well,
Worry - there is so LITTLE left in your life that I can "fix." That has been my role in your childhood - to fix things. Whether it was a broken toy (which we immediately handed to the Asst. Zookeeper) or a broken social situation, my job was to "fix" what could be fixed. And, as you have aged, to assist you in fixing things yourself. We have reached the stage where my role is mostly as a coach on the sidelines - and then, only if you choose to ask and listen and consider the opinion offered. As I am a "control freak," this leaves me in a state of mild panic.
Mixed emotions - while I am sad that your literal childhood is ending shortly (you told me the other day that there are only 364 days left until you are an adult), I am waiting with baited breath to see what lies ahead of you.
ENJOY your last 364 days of childhood. While I haven't enjoyed every single one of the 6,206 days of your childhood so far, I wouldn't trade ANY of them if it meant missing seeing who you choose to become in the next years.
Happy 17th Birthday, Heathen #1. You bring me happiness.
