Church going with Heathens has not always been the easiest attempt. There have been a number of times, when the Heathens were much younger, that I gathered them up from our pew and left due to bad behavior and headed for the car. There have been thousands of trips to the bathroom. And at least a hundred arguments just before service started about "No, you are too old to be in the nursery any more."
And yet, Sunday mornings, I rouse the Heathens, force them into dress clothes (& shoes!) and we head for Trinity. And the silly people there still SMILE at us when we walk in after all these years.
This Sunday was no different that most. Grouchy Heathens that didn't want to get out of bed. But we got to church and made it through Sunday School without mishap. And that's when Heathen #3's luck seemed to turn south.
Heathen #3 decided about a year ago, that if HE has to st through Sunday service in the sanctuary, so are his brothers. Immediately following his Sunday School class, he starts looking for them - that way it is easier to tattle. Yesterday, he came running to tell me that Heathen #1 was hiding in the nursery, spun o his heel and headed back to go get him.
Before I could stop him, he threw open the door to the nursery and informed his oldest brother that he wasn't allowed in there, he was too old, Mom knew where he was, and he had to come sit in church too! At this point, I had reached the nursery as well, just in time to hear Pastor tell Heathen #3 that they were almost done with Confirmation class. Oops.
The Heathens have rules that MUST be followed during service. 1. You MUST be quiet. 2. You can doodle or draw or entertain yourself QUIETLY. 3. When the congregation stands, you WILL stand respectfully. 4. When the congregation prays, you WILL fold your hands and bow your head. 5. No misbehavior is tolerated. 6. If you must use the restroom, you leave while the congregation is standing and return when they are standing.
At the beginning of service, Heathen #3 managed to bang his head off the pew in front of us somehow. I'm really not sure how. It made a nice loud, resonant THUNK - and it was during a time of silent prayer, so EVERYONE in the sanctuary heard it. He managed to not screech or fuss. He held his breath and turned really red while we rubbed his head. Every older person in the church could be seen with their shoulders shaking as they tried to laugh quietly. There was no mistaking that sound.
During the next prayer, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. Turning just a bit, I realized that Heathen #3 was making shadow puppets on the pew in front of us. The sun was coming over our shoulder and the shadows were on the seat in front of us. He actually does a pretty good butterfly.
Shortly thereafter, the sermon began. As Pastor started to speak, beside me from Heathen #1 mutter to himself, "Let the boring begin." I managed to keep my chuckles to myself.
During this particular service, I was being installed as a new church council member. About 5 minutes before the installation was to start, Heathen #1 left for the restroom, with instructions to hurry back. When I had to go forward for the installation, I didn't want to leave Heathen #3 in the pew alone. Heathen #2 was at the front of the church, serving as the acolyte.
Installation time arrives and Heathen #1 is still MIA. I gave Heathen #3 instructions to stand up and behave during the installation and that I would be right back. I received a very serious, "Yes, ma'am." Then I headed for the front.
After being installed, I headed back to the pew. As I approached close enough to see where I had left Heathen #3, I didn't see a little blond head. Instead, I found a round little BUTT clad in church pants sticking up in the air! He was attempting to stand on his head in the pew, much to the amusement of the older couples sitting behind him!
Stepping into the pew, I picked him up around the waist, put his feet on the floor and faced him forward - while listening to the chuckling behind me. When I leaned down to ask WHAT he thought he was doing, I was informed that he couldn't see over everyone during the installation, as though that was the perfect excuse for the attempted head-stand. When I mentioned this, I was informed that a pew was the perfect place to practice headstands since the back of the pew kept you from falling over!
At the next hymn, Heathen #1 finally returned from the bathroom. I asked what had taken so long. He gave me the strangest look and told me (as though I was stupid) that he had to stand in the hall outside the sanctuary and wait for the congregation to stand up before he could come back in.
Heaven help me...
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