Mustaches and Mice

Yesterday, Heathen #2 had to present an oral report on a famous person of his choice.  It was very open-ended.  Pick a person, dress like them, and talk for no more than 5 minutes.  Not too bad - unless you are in fourth grade and have never done this before.

Years ago, Heathen #1 did this same project and chose Abraham Lincoln.  He based his choice solely on the idea that he wanted to build stilts and be really tall when he did his report.  Bless the Asst. Zookeeper's heart, the boys build stilts.  I have pictures somewhere, but I can't locate them at the moment.  Heathen #1 was VERY tall that day - he did a great job and had a lot of fun doing it.

Heathen #2 decided that he wanted to do Abraham Darby - who did something with smelting coke.  I tried suggesting all kinds of other people that I thought would suit him better, but he made his choice.  Then the night before his project is due, he walks over to me and says, "Mrs. Kresak said we could change our person.  I'm going to do Walt Disney instead."

Such a better choice for him!  He did his entire project in an evening (which we educators frown heavily upon) and had everything ready to go for school the next morning.  Here's the costume:

Heathen #2 as a younger Walt Disney.

During his report!

While I was ecstatic over his score (27/28), he was bummed!  He lost a point because he didn't look at his audience enough.  I told him that takes practice.  And he had the hardest part - he was the first presentation for the entire class.

I loved Walt Disney before yesterday.  I was very proud of MY Walt Disney and I love him even more than the real one.  Well done, Heathen!

Birthday Frogs

My birthday was just a few days ago.  Despite my mother's best efforts, I have yet to start dreading it because I am getting "old."  That just isn't me.  Besides, how can I dread my birthday after the awesome events of this year!

Due to Facebook, I had approximately 70 people wish me "Happy Birthday" that I would never have managed to see all in one day.  The Asst. Zookeeper texted me "Happy Birthday cradle robber" before 6 am that morning - bless that man and his early work schedule!

I got a birthday card with wiggly eyes on it from my sister and a call from my brother in Texas.  My mother-in-law made me a card.  Friends invited us to a hockey game for that evening.  I got half a dozen electronic cards to go with the ones that had arrived in the mailbox.

While I am incredibly blessed.  And while that was incredibly great - my Heathens all take the award for the best birthday presents:

Heathen #2 was out of bed before me and hovering over my bed by 6:30 with his present in hand:

This is the wrapping and the enclosed note.

The origami frogs!

One frog was even "tattooed" with Happy BDay!

Heathen #2 used two playing cards to make me origami frogs - and they hop REALLY well.  I'm not even sure where he got the playing cards (but the deck is now missing a few cards!).  And the wrapping wouldn't have been from Heathen #2 if it didn't include Duct Tape.

While I was sitting on the bed playing with my new toys, I heard Heathen #3 wake up.  Heathen #2 rushed to his room and I could hear the "juicy whisper" that it part of younger children.  "Go tell Mommy Happy Birthday!"

The "juicy whisper" was followed by a heartbroken wail of misery:  "I didn't get her anything!  What am I going to do?"

So Heathen #3 and I had a long chat that morning.  He decided he could make me a card at school in his free-time.  That calmed him down as he told me all about this card he was going to make me.  It would even have a piece that would pop-up when you opened it! 

When Heathen #1 finally grumbled his way down the stairs, Heathen #2 repeated his "juicy whisper" to inform him of my birthday.  Heathen #1 opened his eyes a little further, shuffled across the kitchen to me, put his head on my shoulder....

And at this point, everyone is thinking: Oh, the teenager still loves his mommy and he's going to give her a hug and wish her happy birthday.

And everyone would be wrong.

After he put his head on my shoulder (which means he had to stoop down), he looked at me and said, "Do I HAVE to go to school today?"

Crunchy Tacos, Snickers, Corn on the Cob



The list of things Heathen #1 has not been permitted to eat for 2 years due to his braces.  While there is actually a much larger list, these were the items that he actually missed eating.  For the past two years, when he grumbles about his braces, these are the three items that he claimed he would eat for dinner the day his braces came off.

After two years, that day arrived this past Thursday.  I stopped and bought his two Snickers bars before I even retrieved him from the school.  This is the LAST photo of Heathen #1 with his braces.

The Last "Metallic" Smile

 He still didn't want to smile, but I told him I was holding the Snickers bars as ransom. 

An hour later, he was back in the car, the proud owner of retainers and two Snickers bars. 

Look how STRAIGHT!!!

We drove from the dentist's office straight to Taco Bell, where Heathen #1 happily ate crunchy tacos for lunch.  He wriggled in his seat like a puppy the entire time he ate!

The corn on the cob is in the fridge...

I thought the braces coming off would mean an end to dentist phone calls (knocking a bracket off, etc.)  But I was wrong.  He got the retainers on Thursday.  Saturday afternoon, I was informed that the retainers are too loose and he needs to have them tightened.

So I called the dentist....

A Corpse and a Resurrection

The Zoo only functions when the Zookeeper is running on all pistons.  The fuel for this model happens to be CAFFEINE - to which anyone who lives near me can attest.  See Zookeeper, see coffee cup in hand (usually from the Coffee Gods at Sheetz!).

The filling station at the Zoo has been "wonky" for the past few weeks.  The LED clock on the front would strangely get dim, but then turn bright again.  No trouble - could care less if the clock works.  It is the ON button that concerns me.

Sometimes when pushed, the ON button would stay "on" and make fuel.  Other times, the ON button would click back "off" and nothing would happen.  Which means I would arrive at the station with coffee cup in hand to find NOTHING. 

After two weeks of playing this game, I'd had ENOUGH.  On the station's last morning, I thought I was going to burst into tears.  Even holding the ON button "on," it was clicking right back off.  After watching me fuss for several minutes and whine in the kitchen, Heathen #1 calmly walked over to the refrigerator and wrote on the shopping list "coffee machine."  Then he brought the list over to where I was whining in front of the machine and said, "Look, Mom.  It will be okay."

Sadly enough, all three Heathens eagerly helped me shop for a new coffee maker.  They know what makes the Zoo run!  They spent quite a bit of time reading boxes and arguing cases for different machines while the Asst. Zookeeper watched us as though we were all crazy.  

Corpse (left) and the Resurrection (right)

 To the Corpse: You served me well for many years.  I can't begin to count the number of cups you brewed.  Thank you.

To the Resurrection:  You have a very large spot on the counter to fill.  Be diligent and speedy in your work.  You have assumed a great responsibility.  Best of luck!

Gang Signs and Jellyfish

Last weekend, the younger two Heathens and I visited the Baltimore Aquarium with our Cub Scout Pack. Since we took a charter bus, I didn't even have to drive! And there were lots of people for the Heathens to talk to, so I didn't even have to talk - I got to sleep on the bus!

Outside the Aquarium and impatiently
awaiting our entrance time!

 The U.S.S. Torsk is docked in the harbor right beside the Aquarium entrance.  The Heathens loved the painting of the shark teeth on the front.

Heathen #2 seems to be throwing
some sort of gang sign.  Not really
sure just WHAT he's doing!

 This sculpture was outside the Barnes & Noble along the waterfront.  We were able to waste a good ten minutes of wait-time while the two Heathens discussed how it was made.

Both Heathens are holding their clipboards that contain
the Aquarium scavenger hunt.  Immediately upon entering the
Aquarium, they decided they didn't want to do it - so I got
to carry the clipboards and pens for the day!

Isn't this the COOLEST shot?

 At the Aquarium, it was Australia Day.  Thus, during the Animal Encounter, the Heathens were introduced to Rufus (left), who was a Blue-Tongued Skink, and Ned (right), who was a Bearded Dragon.  The Heathens had a GREAT view of the critters!

The Heathens loved the aboriginal rock drawing in one part of the Aquarium.  Can you tell they have their picture taken A LOT?

After walking around the corner from the rock painting, the Heathens were in for a really COOL surprise!  The Aquarium had a didgeridoo player and the children were allowed to make their own rock paintings! 

The Aquarium had an exhibit titled Jellies Invasion that was tanks and tanks of different types of jellyfish.  The Heathens and I could have stayed in this section all day.  They were mesmerizing to watch move through the water and they were all SO different!

The Heathens LOVED these upside-down jellyfish
that live on the bottom of the tank.  They were my
favorite, too!

We watched the dolphin show and I managed to catch a shot of two dolphins in the air at the same time!  We also watched a 4D film titled One Planet that blew wind and rain and snow at us, along with the sensation of animals running at your feet.  It was very cool, although the Heathens weren't all that excited when the shark jumped on screen and the chair poked you in the back to scare you!

The Aquarium has a long line of these bubble tubes.  So mesmerizing.  It's hard to see in the picture, but the Heathens have their hands on the tubes.  You can actually feel the vibration of the bubbles as they rumble to the top of the tube!

And, another gang sign from Heathen #2!  Again, WHAT is he doing and what made him do it?  SOOOO weird!

Four-Eyed Issues

Heathen #2 wears glasses.  And he loves his glasses - he spent over an hour choosing the frames on our last visit to the optometrist. This is the best picture of him where the glasses are visible.

He choose a style that is truly HIM.  Unlike many people's children, he's never broken his glasses.  He never comes home with them all bent up.  He's really good about taking them off for times where they could get broken. 

And then, in true-Zoo fashion, the "Luck of the Glasses" ran out this week. 



Heathen #2 called from school Monday immediately after breaking his glasses.  He was obviously upset that they were broken.  Imagining only a bent frame or a popped out lens, I told him not to worry about it.  Just put the pieces in a baggie and bring it home.  I could have them fixed.

My expectations.

Once off the bus, I was presented with "the glasses," held at the end of an outstretched arm as though they were contagious or had a foul odor.  And this is NOT what I was expecting:





The Dismembered Corpse and the Coffin

The lenses were the only thing still intact!  No bent frame for my Heathens!  That would be WAY to close to normal for this Zoo!  While this looks like the work of a child that HATES his glasses, I knew that wasn't true.  Just our typical, everyday Zoo life with the Heathens.

After my heart started to beat again after the shock of seeing "the body", I realized that Heathen #2 was watching me with the "I'm in so much trouble" look.  And I understood why.

Since he started wearing glasses, if the glasses are not on his face, I ask where they are.  Then I send him to get them.  Any time I find them laying somewhere, I call him over to get the "These Are Expensive, Take Care of Them" speech.

Apparently, he actually listened to those speeches and was now awaiting his execution.

I smiled and said, "That's why I bought the warranty that covers Heathens."  A short jaunt to the optometrist's this afternoon, $15 and the glasses are good as new and will be awaiting him when he steps off the bus.

I wonder if the optometrist will give "the body" a proper burial...



World Erasers per the Heathens

Heathen #3 has a book that he purchased at the local book store.  It is a cross between a doodle book and a journal for small children.  The pages contain everything from pictures to questions for the children to  answer.  Currently, he carries it everywhere.  For example, right now it is in his backpack so that he can "doodle" on the bus.

Sunday, it went in the car to church.  This is the conversation I overheard from the seat behind me.

Heathen #3 (reading from the doodle book): If you could erase one thing from the world, what would it be?

Heathen #2:  That's easy!  Death!  Everyone could live forever!  Or sickness - people would never get sick.

At this point, I'm getting ready to nominate Heathen #2 for Miss America.  He seems to be pageant-prepared!  And I was actually a little proud.  He wasn't thinking of something to directly benefit himself.

Heathen #3:  Why would you erase sickness when you could skip school FOREVER!?!?!?

At which point I almost lost it.  He was HORRIFIED by Heathen #2's suggestions.  And the funny part is that Heathen #3 LIKES school!  But then I hear from the seat beside me...

Heathen #1: Good, Lord.  Would you listen to those two?

I didn't have the heart to tell him that the Asst. Zookeeper and I still listen to HIM with the same type of reaction.