No shoes, No shirt, No service.

This evening, I went running at the YMCA after dinner. This is a regular Tuesday evening event. The Asst. Zookeeper goes to his guitar lesson. Heathen #1 goes with him and attends his drum lesson. Heathens #2 and #3 hang out in the play room at the YMCA while I run. This is the normal schedule. Today was normal... or as close as it every gets at this Zoo.

Before dinner, Heathen #3 arrived in the kitchen wearing nothing but his guchies. He announced that his shirt and his pants were wet. Anyone raising small boys will understand that this is not an uncommon occurrence with young boys. They have very short attention spans and their aim goes wherever their eyes go. My response to his announcement was "Okay, no problem."

Since I'm not taking any prizes for Mother of the Year, I allowed Heathen #3 to eat his dinner in just his guchies. After eating, I told him that he had to go put on clothes so that we could go to the YMCA. I then proceeded to go change for running.

I put the younger two Heathens in the car and off we went to the YMCA. Once inside, I signed the two Heathens into the playroom and gave them the "You'll Behave Or Else" speech that is required of all parents. Most of us realize that this speech is done as much for the person watching the children as for the children themselves. It means that we really ARE attempting to train the children (or in my case, Heathens).

Heathen #3 suddenly turned around and looked at me with panic on his face. "I don't have a shirt on!"

Let me repeat that for anyone who's automatic thought was "Huh?"

"I don't have a shirt on!"

In his rush to go outside and play for 90 seconds before leaving the Zoo, Heathen #3 put on pants, socks, snow boot, and a winter jacket (which he had zipped up to his chin without any assistance). He NEVER put a shirt on!

After staring at him as though he were a two-headed monster for a few seconds, I offered him the solution of wearing my sweatshirt that I had over my running clothes. This option he flatly refused.

Heathen #2 came to my rescue!!!! He happened to be wearing a t-shirt and a sweatshirt over top. He offered his sweatshirt to Heathen #3, who gladly accepted.

On the way home after running, Heathen #3 and I discussed what "go get dressed to leave the zoo" entails. And the conversation went downhill quickly. We ended up talking about places where you didn't have to wear a shirt and circumstances where you don't have to wear a shirt. Heathen #2 happily contributed to the conversation corrosion. I'm so doomed...